Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.This statement defines me when it comes to several things. For one, whenever I take personality tests I come out as the guy who is comfortable in a large group setting and taking charge, but would love to be marooned on an island with only my thoughts to guide me. When it comes to music I love the wail of a hard guitar and drum beat, but also want my wife and I to find a back alley coffee shop with Norah Jones playing a solo set. I am a pastor, yet I find the religious community generally gets on my nerves (however, I really am working on this last one.)
In my worship context, I find that there is something about me that is different than a group that I am a part of. So, in essence, I am now not only schizophrenic within myself, but schizophrenic with those who are like me. When it comes to music (which we have mistakenly labeled "worship") I find that I want to be cut. I want to groan because of the truths proclaimed not only by prophetic voices but from the instruments as well. I want the feeling to cause me to fall to my knees as I become aware of a holy and loving God. I want the struggle and the joy of this understanding to bring laughter and weeping at the same time. I want to dance, even though I will look silly doing it. I could stay in this place forever.
When it comes to the Word (which we have labeled "preaching") I want to learn. I want to learn not just for learning sake, but to be changed. I want to be opened up by the scalpel and let a work be done in me with surgical precision, and I want to be changed because of this procedure. I need to hurt for a moment after the truth is revealed; yet I also need to be drawn to the one who can heal the hurt.
This differs from others in my tradition in a couple of ways. One, music should not last too long and should generally make you shout before a sermon, and weep after one. Two, the sermon is the most important thing, and should also make you shout, unless you need to repent (read: not already a Christian), and then you need to weep. There is worship, then the word, and they are not the same. The worship (read: music) is not more important than the word, and the word should be told loudly and charismatically. Anything less is dead. That reminds me, a vast number of cliches should be used if those in the audience are not responding (read: shouting) to the preaching of the word correctly.
I know this sounds like I am against the others, but I am not. I do not like to define myself by what I am not, so I just want to give my ideas and say that I am not some people I am supposed to be like.
I believe that I can be changed in the presence of God however it is that I enter into His presence. I also know that when we worship God, He meets with us. When He meets with us then others (even those who do not know "how" to worship) can be changed by His presence. The Bible is referred to as a "sword," but all too often it is used as a club to beat an unbeliever over the head with. I believe it is a weapon against the enemies of the spirit (Satan) and a knife for surgery in the believers. I want to be inspired by and stand in child-like awe of the Creator and King of all. I want my culture and world to be impacted because I know God, and He knows me.
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